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Trust Within A Relationship

Many people struggle with trust issues when in a relationship. This could be for any number of reasons. The way your partner is , things going on in your life at the time, your own personal past. Any one of those things and more can cause us to have real issues in trusting that the relationship we are in is actually made of the right elements. So often I get asked the question when working with a client "Will he/she stay with me ?" and it is said in such a way that its like they are almost expecting things to end at some point. The reality happily for some people is quite different.

One person in particular whom knows I am writing this article with their situation in mind - has struggled with such questions on and off for a long while. And yet every time we read together I see between them quite an incredible bond , one that despite all the challenges they have faced - and they have been quite a few - holds them together. This person struggles in there own way with trust. Trust that their partner will remain faithful, trust that things wont go back to what they were at a time when they nearly did break up. Trust that what is felt is actually real and not just wishful thinking. And then they hear me telling them - actually I see you have met the person your going to spend the bulk of your years with. This at times I know for them seems either un-real or a contradiction to how things can be at times.

When I looked deeper into this person I see that many of the fears they have are rooted in the past. Past events which eroded the much needed trust that is so vital for all relationships to prosper and grow. And yes they have had some very difficult periods but, those periods are in the past - not the present. As I have said many times - the past does not exist unless we allow it to. History does NOT always repeat itself. That my friends is a myth in many cases. This person I speak of struggles right now with that trust. And there is no magic switch to suddenly turn this on. Trust grows organically over time. And time here is a factor in that no relationship works in a straight smooth line. Every relationship will have its ups and its downs. But if the core connection is made of those right elements then that relationship will not only endure but will also prosper in its own time.

Trust is built not just by your partner telling you the right words but by being able to come through incredibly hard demanding times and still remain together. Trust is built by understanding that what you have no matter what is thrown at you is strong enough to endure. Sure not for every couple. Sadly people do break up, relationships fail, people move on and some of us will get deeply hurt. But they are also those relationships which do survive and thrive. Building your trust is something that you do over time, but how do you know if those elements I speak of are actually within you and your Partner ?

Well one of the clearest signs of this - is when you do face trauma and conflict - in-spite of all that you remain together. That does not mean you shut up and put up but working through and not giving up no matter what is thrown at you shows that there is something deep between you. As I see in the person I have spoken of in this article. I see 2 people who are so well matched on so many levels. 2 people that sure have come so close to walking out of each others lives and yet remain together. 2 People whom when I connect to them I feel a strong sense that they are where they are meant to be. Even when things get tough.

So in the end no relationship can prosper without trust. And trust does not grow on a tree , it starts from within. Master that - and accept that you truly can be happy in-spite of hardships (which are here to teach and make us stronger) and happiness and contentment over all can be yours.