Infatuation is described as an intense, short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something. Originally a more stereotypical affliction of the youth, today we are seeing an increasing number of adults struggling to identify the differences between love and lust. Understandably so, in our fast-paced lives and instant internet dating, finding love has become increasingly more difficult to acquire. This is leading some people to misinterpret the initial stages of romance or the feelings of a crush as the “real thing”. Below we have compiled a simple list, clearly explaining the distinctions between the two. It may seem obvious to many however until you experience infatuation you won’t realize how it affects you. You become blind to reason and to what others can plainly see – this is why we call it a curse!
Love Takes Time – Infatuation is Instant
Life isn’t like the movies and while we are not denying that love, at first sight, is possible, we can all agree it is incredibly rare. The chances that real love can develop from almost nothing and will stand the test of time is unfortunately very unrealistic. Real love is established through a deep connection, a mutual bond that subsequently grows over time. If you think about it, how can you truly love someone that you don’t know one hundred percent? Through time aspects of their personality may become apparent that you dislike. Real love incorporates everything about that person. Infatuation simply ignores them. This is because infatuation is almost instantaneous. We love them no matter what. Our feelings are so strong they will last forever. Sadly this is not the case.
Love is Deep – Infatuation is Skin Deep
Physical attraction is obviously a part of real love however it is only one aspect of a deep, meaningful connection. Relationships that only focuses on one facet of intimacy are sadly destined to failure. Love is more than skin deep. It is the understanding of everything regarding that person – good and bad – but loving them all the same. Infatuation or lust is the complete opposite. People who are infatuated tend to obsess more on the physical attributes of the person rather than the whole picture. Ask yourself this, if the person you claim to love suddenly had a spider’s web tattooed across their face – would you still love them? If the answer is no, then this is not love, it is lust.
Love is Invigorating – Infatuation is Exhausting
Real love is a wonderful thing, hence the reason why so many people obsess over finding it. At the end of the day, to love and to be loved is kind of like a drug; it makes us feel good. The warm embrace of another, someone you trust wholeheartedly, someone whom you share a deep connection improves our well being. Love is invigorating which improves and completes us as a result.
Infatuation, on the other hand, does none of these things. People who are infatuated are usually sad, depressed and confused. It’s tiring and draining to be infatuated. Feelings of excitement and lust soon make way for jealousy and anger. Infatuation is like being on a roller coaster – one minute your high as a kite, then suddenly to hit rock bottom.
Love is Selfless – Infatuation is Selfish
Real love is a bond that is experienced by two people. It is where one person profoundly cares for another and vice versa. The well being of their partner is equal to their own as if they are one, a whole. This will obviously create acts of kindness that are selfless in nature – done purely to make the other person happy. If they are content, then so are we.
Meanwhile, the opposite can be said for lust. Infatuation is purely a selfish, self-centred emotion. People who are infatuated only truly care about how the situation is affecting them. “Why don’t they love me? Are they thinking about me? They become fixated, wanting to be with that person at any cost because they deserve love.
Love Brings Out The Best – Infatuation Brings Out The Worst
To care for someone unconditionally improves our overall well being. Evidence shows that people who are in love tend to become healthier over time. They sleep better, eat better and can even live longer. It also shows that real love makes us more caring. Love accentuates our softer, more generous side of our character.
This, however, can not be said for those who are infatuated. Infatuation usually brings out the worst in us. Jealousy, anger, pettiness and obsessive behaviours are all traits displayed by people experiencing “false love”.
Love is Natural – Infatuation is Forced
There is no rule book to real love, it just happens. It is usually found when we least expect, sometimes with the person we least expected. One thing is certain though, real love can never be forced. It is a natural process that must blossom over time and here lies the problem with infatuation. People who are infatuated are trying to create love from thin air. Fundamentally they are more in love with the “idea of love” rather than actually being in love with any specific person. They want love in an instant and those desires and feelings of excitement become misconstrued as the real thing.
One more thing…
We have called this article “The Curse of Infatuation” because that best describes us when we are infatuated. It is as if we are under a spell, unable to eat or sleep properly without thinking about this person. The curse stops us from seeing things clearly; only we can see the truth, only we can see we are destined to be together – regardless of what anyone else thinks.
A curse is never meant to improve our lives, the opposite in fact. A curse’s main goal is to slow down our own personal growth. If we rid ourselves of this affliction we will subsequently realize the same. We will suddenly see that all of our obsessing – over one person who doesn’t feel the same – has only hurt ourselves and our efforts of finding real love. Understand that love will happen, but only when the time is right and that obsessive behaviors will only halt this process. We have to be patient and in the meantime be open and free. Enjoy life. Rid ourselves of the curse and all the negativity it brings. Just be yourself and love will find a way.