Toxic people and their exhausting, all-consuming baggage are an unfortunate reality that most of us will face. If you’re dedicating yourself to working with the Law of Attraction, this can raise some tricky obstacles. No two relationships are identical, and as easy as it is for a stranger on the internet to suggest you exercise all the toxic people from your life— sometimes, it’s easier said than done. How can you recognize a toxic individual? Once you’ve identified them and their awful behaviours, how can you navigate around them? If you’ve found your way to this article, you probably already know you’re dealing with a less-than-stellar dynamic, you’re just willfully ignoring it. But dealing with toxic people will eventually take a toll on you, draining you emotionally, mentally, and even physically.
You’ll know you’re around a toxic person if:
Your vibrations and energy take a nosedive when you’re around them
If you’re working with The Law of Attraction, you know that raising your vibration to the level of the thing you want and changing your life to match that thing’s energy, is a must. You cannot manifest anything good from something bad, so raising your vibration is an inevitable reality. But when you are around toxic people— likely, those who have no boundaries and will overstay their welcome— your energy will tank. You’ll feel frazzled, nervous, anxious, and tense; you might even get stomach aches, headaches, and/or random but persistent pains. When they finally leave, you may feel like curling up and sleeping, as if you’ve been thrown off-balance for a bit. What do you do about this?
OUR ADVICE: Boundaries are key
Toxic people often (wrongly) feel entitled to your space, time, and attention. One of the hardest but most necessary things to do when you are working on yourself is implementing boundaries; you can no longer offer yourself as a round-the-clock resource/supply to someone who will unapologetically and continuously use you up. Be prepared for pushback. It may sound like they are teasing at first— “What, you don’t want me to have a copy of your house key?” With a silly smile and a big wink, like this is all just a joke— but it can quickly devolve into the behaviour you don’t want to deal with. This can range from screaming, crying, making threats, catastrophizing (“But without me, you can’t achieve/be/have ____”), even trying to drag other people into the situation to have “backup” or proof that you are wrong. No matter what they throw at you, stand firm. Setting boundaries is a process that is for and about your own good; those boundaries can help you to manifest in peace, feeling more like yourself, instead of an energy-sapped husk.
You’re never good enough—— and they let you know it
Toxic people are often trapped in unhealthy patterns of behaviour that keep them stuck in a rut and experiencing the same setbacks over and over again. The truth is, these people aren’t happy (they might not even know how to be); they feel small and their solution is to make you feel smaller. As you are moving onwards and upwards, the toxic people in your life may feel jealous that you are able to begin a new chapter, while they are still stuck where they’ve always been. They may feel you need to be “brought down a peg,” and they will express their jealousy by expressing that who you are and what you’ve worked for is not good enough. They will make comments, disguised as “helpful critique,” about every aspect of your new and thriving lifestyle to try and make you feel insecure for moving on. This is also their way of building themselves back up, and the more you agree with it and fall into their line of thinking, the more they will do it to try and drag you down to their level. So how can you deal with this?
Our Advice: You are more than good enough and deserving of what you have—— it’s okay to know that
You don’t have to flaunt your new success (in any area of your life), but you can rest easy and secure in the knowledge that you deserve the good things you have and the healthy relationships you foster, and you shouldn’t feel bad about shedding the old parts of your life to make room for something better. When the toxic person in your life tries to belittle you, feel free to stand up for yourself calmly and firmly, no matter the subject. So, an example could be that your toxic “friend” is pointing out how little money you have to spend on things (disguised as concern for your financial wellbeing). They might even discourage you from buying an item because they want it, but cannot afford it, so they will tell you how ugly it is, and how you’d be wasting “the little cash you have on something stupid.” You can respond with something like, “Actually, I do have enough money for this, and I love the way it looks/feels. Thank you for your concern.” Brush them off and keep moving. They can’t drag you down if you refuse to engage in the first place, and shutting down their games is a good way to make sure they can’t play at all.
They will take credit for your success
Another reaction borne of jealousy, toxic people love the spotlight but hate when it’s on you. They will take credit for your achievements and hard work, making your victories theirs, and relegating you to the role of a background character in your own story. They might try to micromanage important life events (making self-centred speeches at weddings and the associated events, decorating your new home to their taste (as if it’s theirs), taking all of the credit for a project at work, etc). If these examples sound ludicrous and beyond the pale: they happen. I’ve seen them in action, and it is painful to watch. But how do you deal?
OUR ADVICE: Adopt an attitude of gratitude
While you’d certainly be within your rights to snatch that self-centred bridesmaid’s microphone, explode on the family member who decorated your place like it’s theirs “because they had time,” or set the record straight about your glory hound of a coworker, you may just want to avoid an even bigger dramafest. Instead, adopt an attitude of gratitude. Don’t be afraid to make it known that you are so happy to be marrying the love of your life, you are so grateful to have a new home, you are absolutely thrilled to have such an exciting professional opportunity. You cannot control other people’s actions, but you can control your reactions, and quite frankly, dialling down the heat and being genuinely excited and happy (without being a pushover) spoils the fun for the toxic people in your life. They’ll get joy out of watching you squirm and seethe, it’s a sign they still have control over you, and way too much space in your thoughts. But if you let their tactics roll off your back and turn the negatives into a positive, they won’t get the “rush” they want from you. The more you focus on the things you’re happy about, the less the things you’re unhappy about will matter.
These are just some signs that you’re dealing with a toxic person, and honestly, no one should be forced to deal with someone intruding in on their lives like this. There are many ways to be toxic, and sometimes people are vitriolic beyond the point where you can ignore them or expect boundaries to work. You may be in a situation where the best thing for you is to simply cut them off, and you shouldn’t feel bad about that either. Toxic people certainly have quite a burden to bear— but neither they nor their burden is yours to carry. The faster you set them down and focus on you, the easier it will be to manifest a better reality.
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