If you’re just (consciously) starting to shape your life with the Law of Attraction, the most important sentence in your vocabulary should be “I do.” Simple but true. Human beings have an inherent negativity bias— we react more strongly to negativity— and this bias shapes our daily experiences. Often we are stubbornly clutching onto a high-res picture of exactly what we want— but we focus on it by making mental checklists of the things we don’t want, particularly when we are trying to attract things that have extra emotional resonance, like a romantic partner, because we tend to calibrate our manifestation specifications based on our own past.
At first it might make sense to underscore all the things you don’t want— how is the universe supposed to know what you want in one of the billions of people on this planet if you don’t make it explicitly clear?— for example: you don’t want a partner who is dismissive (just like all your exes), you absolutely couldn’t deal with a partner who depends on alcohol or drugs to get through the day (maybe you grew up with an alcoholic parent and don’t want history to repeat itself), you’re afraid of a partner with a wandering eye, who cheats without a second thought of you.
But somehow, despite your vehement protests (both on paper and aloud) and your bright, romance-positive vision boards: you keep attracting the same old person. They may have different faces and names, but it’s the same person with the same pattern: someone who doesn’t consider your feelings, someone who has an addictive personality, someone who is regularly unfaithful.
I know, this cycle is exhausting and it hurts, but before you tear apart your vision board and give up on finding what you want, try saying “I do.”
It’s a simple mindset switch: all you have to do is start focusing on the things you do want. When you make that checklist, only start sentences with “I do.” The Law of Attraction is about living in the moment and acting as if you already have this thing.
Example: “I do have a partner who values my thoughts, words, and feelings. I do have a partner who lives a clean, sober lifestyle. I do have a partner who is effortlessly faithful to me.”
Getting the hang of this can take awhile, it’s so easy to put a qualifier on your list (we all have those emotional triggers that we try to bury by avoiding them in other people); but language is beautiful because you can play with it. There is more than one way to say the same thing, just in a more productive context.
Example:“My partner has no children, my partner has no ex-spouse,” becomes “My partner is childless, my partner is excited to marry me for the first time.”
The more you are attached to something, the more protective over it you feel, even if, at this stage, it’s just a concept. You can have a mental death-grip on a dream home, the career you’ve always wanted, your finances— anything you emotionally resonate with, to the point that sometimes you refuse to acknowledge it, especially if you’re in a rut. But also remember that the universe will add a little cherry on top of the sundae you asked for: you will get what you wanted, but also what you need (maybe your dream job comes with a cozy corner office, your dream partner comes with a supportive, healthy family, your dream home is a block away from a jazz bar you didn’t know existed, but now it’s your favourite hangout).
As long as you’re focused on the good stuff, how kind and abundant the universe can be if you allow it, you’ll be golden. Please remember to be as specific as possible, don’t only focus on the parts of your desire that you can see, especially when trying to attract romance. I’ve heard cautionary tales from people who only focused on the physical aspects of the person they wanted to manifest: tall with sexy eyes, broad shoulders, an athletic build, etc. They put so much stock into appearances that they ignored (or more likely let their fears and dislikes dictate) their partner’s personality, and even though they got someone with the perfect jawline, it turns out: a jawline is just a jawline. They’d rather have spent time with someone who was interested in more than just fooling around, no strings attached.
You get what you ask for, make it count. Work with the universe, make tweaks if you feel your wants and needs have changed along the way, and always start your manifestations with “I do…”